Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize