Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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