I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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