I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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