I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think i got beer on your cat.
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