I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize