it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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