she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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