It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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