kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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