i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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