"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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