You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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