My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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