the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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