next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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