so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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