woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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