There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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