Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize