he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize