No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize