if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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