My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
try to milk me bitch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize