Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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