Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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