I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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