It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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