What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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