At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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