just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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