First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize