I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize