I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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