u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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