Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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