I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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