did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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