Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize