I heard we made out
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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