totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize