so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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