i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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