She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize