I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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