Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i believe in u and ur pee
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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