i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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