I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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