mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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