soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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